well put Kanye, well put

"let me know, do i still got time to grow

things aint always set in stone

That be known, let me know.

Seems like streetlights

glowing
happened to be just like moments passing,

in front of me

so I hopped in, the cab
and I paid my fare,

see I know my, destination

but I'm just not there"

-Kanye West

Happiness is a dangerous place to be. In the moment, when all is sunshine and utter bliss, words can not even beging to articulate what it feels like. Its almost as if trying to put words on the experience would rob it off its purity. Simply basking in it, taking a breath to bring it all in, is the only way to appreciate what happiness offers. It is offering us hope. and beauty. the magical sense that this is bigger than oneself.

Having those experiences heightens the tragedy that occurs when the state of euphoria is gone.

Its hurts. There is no other way to describe it. It makes me want to never experience happiness again simply because its absense feels unbearable. Everything in my being wants to defend my heart and soul from this loss that I contemplate becoming a shell of a person, avoiding feelings altogether. The sad times, then, are not quite as sad and the happy times are not quite as happy. But then I am able to function. I may not be functioning well, but I am able to survive.

But having lived a life that was richer than basic survival creates tension that does not allow complacency to be the norm. I know what its like to have more. I know what its like be alive. To breathe in the moment and burst from the fullness of it all.

that's my destination.

but I am just not there.